Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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