Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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