I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize