Whod you bang
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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