Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
