you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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