it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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