we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
