Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
