okay pat passed out under dana's car
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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