They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
be right there i have to get my cape
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
