U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just cropdusted the office
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
