yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We're too hungover to prance.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
