Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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