At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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