Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize