i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
