You made me cry and you don't even care
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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