Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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