He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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