I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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