Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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