My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
