just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
