My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize