she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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