pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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