you would pick up someone in the library
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
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It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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