I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
