That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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