RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
