the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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