Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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