I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
