Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
