You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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