You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can't turn off my feet"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Come on in and take your pants off
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