Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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