Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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