He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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