I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
