Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
