Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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