I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
