proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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