a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
