you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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