i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
