i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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