Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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