I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
