Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
