The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
