hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
