ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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