I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
