I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
