It's Friday. Sex?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
