forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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