Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
