We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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