She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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