I hate your face
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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