i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
