Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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