I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize